Warm me up

Love is a spark of light, a dazzling blaze of flame, like the accidents that happen in the untempered heat.
We feel the need to nurture it without shame and bring it to life as it dances among us. Sacred ritual of desire for our hearts. It gives the winter air a pocket of warmth as the breath of two lovers radiate between their lips. Shadows dance on the hearts of the stricken as the flames flicker and grow within their souls.
 ~Heather Duke

Just a few things I must acquire as soon as possible.

Just a little list of things I love and really, really want to possess, see, do, etc... ♥

I NEED this little guy, I want to name him "Nanas"


LOVE these little guys :)

I love her hair...one day soon I will have this, but shorter.

Awesome!

 I love certian Steampunk clothes..these pants are soooo cute....gotta have!

 I am a knee sock addict. These rock my socks.

Comic book makeup.
Just really cool for Comic Con, I would totally do this.

 You can buy these on Etsy..so cute and creative :)

Knee socks again..or knee boots actually...WHERE do you buy this stuff???

What I want to get after my back dimple dermals...

LOVE these..and they are super cheap on ebay..I'm going to buy them out!!!

Meow ♥

Unicorns are real!!
Narwhal..unicorn of the sea..or, weird unicorn mermaid things, either way, totally AWESOME!

LOVES!

What free spirited girl wouldn't want this??

Alice doorknob..it will lead to a secret room.

More Steampunk outfits that I crave.

And of course, we'll name him "Chewie"

So those are just a few things I dug up real fast.. I plan on posting more of these blogs. I don't want to forget who I am, and stuff I love :)

hehe

Just take the assist and quit falling through

Bite the bullet
Pull the plug
Jump the cliff
Get off the pot
Squeeze the trigger
Walk the plank
Hit the gas
Turn the corner
Kick the bucket
Beat the bush
Throw in your chips
Sail the ship
Gig is up
Jump the gun
Botch the job
Toss your hands
Haul ass
Kiss the death
Hit the road
Give up the ghost
Tap out
Your swan song
Hang your head
Take out the trash
Elvis has left the building
Abandon your hope
The fat lady sings

These things are for quitters. I don't like these sayings. I pay to play, and I'm here to win.
You have to fight for your right to live life and love the one you love.

Every cloud has a silver lining
Enter the lions den
Draw your swords
Get down to the nitty gritty
Take the bull by the horns
Make the cut
Knock the socks off
Leap of faith
Never say die
Sail close to the wind
Stick it to the man
Rehab is for quitters....?

Hahaha...I can't think of as may espressions for not giving up..or for fighting the fight..but I'm sure you get the point. :)

I guess anything worth having, is worth fighting for ♥

Boomtastic

So I'm sitting here with my kids, I realized a month ago that I haven't been posting here lately, anyway...I guess I desided that now is the time, when my kids are absorbed in some inappropriate cartoon about a family with a gay alien. Instead of policing what they are doing and watching, I decided to write here, where my thoughts go nowhere, no one reads this, and it really means nothing. Yet, here I am. Mother of the year.
I'm not sure what is going on with me lately. I feel like I use to be so much better at "doing life". I feel mega, super lazy lately. I will go about doing things here at the house, but then feel like I haven't acomplished anything at all. I feel like I am just spinning my wheels. It is a very stagnant feeling, and for someone who thrives off personal growth, it is a horrible feeling. I'm not sure what I am supposed to be doing right now. My kids are getting older, I don't work, my house isn't generally too messy, and I have a boyfriend. I think I will feel better when I get back into school again. I just don't want my brain turning into mush.mushy mush mushin mush, what a funny word, mush. Aaaaanyway... I should get back to my kids, and my dishes, and shit.
Peas out...for now.

Please keep in mind when reading my blog...

this is just a place for me to "dump" my thoughts. I may seem random and all over the place with my posts, but again..I have phases in life..and my blog will more than likely reflect those.

Thank you, you may now return to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Walls to climb over and ropes to swing from

Is the coast ever clear? Is my life just unusual? There is seemingly always some sort of adversity to over come, obstacles to clear, wars to fight, fires to put out. It. never. ends. Is this how everyones life is? It just seems like some people have such a smooth sailing journey. No one ever dies, or gets divorced, or breaks up, or gets hooked on drugs, or looses their job in their history of life. Do they just hide these things from everyone? Even to people close to them..or did they somehow draw the Ace in life and get a free pass? I don't think that is in the cards for me. The hand I was delt seems to be filled with jokers, go fish, go straight to jail do not collect $200, and folds. I want a RESHUFFLE!! I want to be happy and carefree like everyone else. Maybe I just didn't plan my life out right, I should have waited to have kids and went to college..but, no..I love my kids, they actually do make me happy. Life is all about choices, right?? I say this all of the time. Why do I have such a hard time applying it to my own life? It's like I think I'm making a good choice, then in retrospect a few months later, I'm like "WHAT was I thinking!!?!", "WAS I even thinking? Or just FEELING". It's hard to know at the time.

obstaclesplural of ob·sta·cle

Noun: A thing that blocks one's way or prevents or hinders progress

If the above is true than my choices are my only real obstacles. But how do you know what is the right choice? Is life really a game? "If you play your cards right, you can have the life you always dreamed of"..? Have I been missing something important all of these years? Should I be playing? I'm confused, I am no good at games, I like competition, just not games. People cheat. Am I supposed to cheat too? But, I don't want to cheat. It's too much trouble. But if everyone else is cheating then is it really cheating anymore? Or, just how you play the game?

All I know is that I am really frustrated with this stagnant place in life I am in, dull, sluggish, unstable. I've got to put my chips in soon, place my bet. Do I just wait and see what happens? Or do I take forceful and immediate action? If I wait, I could possibly gain the life I have always wanted, possibly, but that is a lot to put in someone else's hands. Or if I take action, could I be headed down another dead end road, just looking for what I have always wanted anyway? I don't know, at least if I take action I know that I can rely on myself. But ultimately it's all about the choice I make, the CARDS I play. I've got to play my hand soon. This is a high stake game...mine and several others potential happiness is on the line. But it is true, it feels like a gamble. Or maybe it's just a roll of the dice..no matter how you play, it all depends on some unseen force that just makes it all happen.

Who knows...?? Anyone? Anyone?

PS...I'm really uspet..I wrote this whole thing out and hit publish earlier and I was having internet problems...so it deleted the WHOLE thing..I rewrote it all...the first copy was so much better :/

Even the computer is playing with me. Mean ass.

Comic book picture of sillynerdgirl

Geek squad hero, bookworm, aspiring tambourine, zill, and ghungroo aficionado, narwhal collector, and secret belly dancer hypnotist.
Be afraid of what lurks behind those braids. Be very afraid.

Someone needs to make a Union for life

A slaughter house for all emotions
then again most relationships are.
Trickle in your hope
then stare blankly into the death of a star
Pretend you're taking action
then speak again, your empty promises
Take life with ease
then leave the liability to me
Again I'll own it and proudly bare my cross
then you have to answer to me, because I'm the boss

The gauging

I haven't mentioned on here that I am gauging my ears. I am at a 6g right now..still not a stupendous change but it hurt like hell to put in the jewelry. I am going to start taking pics of the progress and post them. Just for the hell of it. I'm pretty sure that no one reads this but, I may want to look back at my non-modified ears someday. I would be getting more tattoos(and I will soon), but they are much more expensive than piercings. My last tattoo was done 2 months ago and it is fairly small and it was freaking $150..yeah, won't be getting anymore until I have another decent job. My lip and tongue were only $20 each. I'm going for my industrials next, I think. Anyway..I feel like writing a new poem.

Maybe I'll post it next.

Life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it

Life is about perception. There is a good and bad side to almost every situation (with the exception of a few). It's all about how you choose to view things. I try to see the good in everything that happens to me, and believe me I've had a lot of stuff happen to me. If there isn't anything that stands out as positive then I chalk it up to a "lesson learned". I have times when I struggle with this, just like any normal, thinking, feeling, human being. But there are some people who thrive off being the victim in life, like they are some sort of "prey" and everyone is out to get them. To me this is a very narcissistic and selfish. How about trying to see things from another point of view? How about growing up and taking resposnibility for your actions.The quality of your thoughts directly controls the quality of your life. If all you do is see the negative side and constanly look for ways that someone has "done you wrong" then you will constantly "be the victim" of other people's actions. If you can take responsibility for choices you have made to get you in that situation to begin with then you can actually learn from life experiences and grow as a person. It is so easy to lie down and play the victim. How about fighting for your happiness and changing something when you realize there is a change to be made. You have to be the writter of your life, not the actor, director, or producer, but the person who hands out the scripts and says, "this is my life, and you are just living in it". I will never let someone else's mistakes or wrong doings towards me effect me in a negative way (unless it's against my kids..then that is a different story). They are writing their own life story and will have to pay the ultimate price of living with their failures. My life story will continue on the same path, but with just that bump in the road to add plot. We may not have control over every little thing that happens in our lives, but we certianly can control how we respond to them, and in turn we can control how we feel. Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

Love ♥ not dim and blind but so far-seeing that it can glimpse around corners, around bends and twists and illusion; instead of overlooking faults love sees through them to the secret inside~

Some things I wrote earlier this summer.

Tearing it up, but not wearing it out

What have we done to this place?
I crave a different way of life.
How do you know when to get there?
Or how, even?
Take a shot at something new.
Who will I be if I don't succeed?
A trollop of seasons? a vagabond?
Or simply a free spirit who has been trapped in this image?
We see things that I can't reach.
How frustrating.
Try, I keep turning back into a wasp of a person
like everyone else.
A pest, nuisance to this land.
I could help
I could move it all around
Free myself and loved ones of this typical scene.
I realize I don't need permission
Let's do it.
Take a ride.
We can always come back.
I need a new life to call my home.
I'm going to let it all go and give it all in.
I could be my dreams.
We have this chance at risking it all.
I am the ruler of the castles in my air.
I will silence my alarms.
You will be the guardian of our fate,
But I hope to lead the way.






I speak truths, when you're me


I see you wavering between who you were and who you know you can be. Your past is trying to creep into your future. I seek potential, not those who have achieved it. I enjoy the process of growth. I want to see it, be a part of it, influence the better in people so they can compare to the latter. I want to be the gold in your heart, the one who spoke the truth and opened doors to a better way. Somehow, I have a gift for this. Perspective is a direction in life. I chose a lighter path, brushing off negatives and denying disapprovals. Our life is ours to navigate in choppy waters, but we always come out clean, if we chose to see it that way. I'll never drown and if you're with me, I'll teach you to bathe and swim with the sun. Always, on the brighter side.




A first for all

Seeing a life for what it is
A choice, a chance, a trick
Or so it seems

Took the lead, because no one else will
Separate, but at one fell swoop
Collectively walking the dream

Getting to what is mine
Owning it, living, manipulating happiness
Molding wishes into my professions

Promising to be held accountable
We wade though the orbs of our past
Dangling them in darkness

We will never forget
The tiny steps that led us to no regrets
Suspended tirelessly in waves of hilarity

Forever

A linkage to me old blog

http://sillynerdgirl.livejournal.com/

I may still blog there occasionally..not sure why I stopped..I like it here a tad better, guess that's why.

Sweat and stink

It's going to be °106 today. I guess anything worth doing, is worth doing right. Hell yeah, GO SUN!..?

How the hell am I hungover? I haven't drank in a week...

I have had the worst headache all day today...it finally peaked at about 6pm. I've been throwing up and dry heaving for about 5 hours :( Honsetly, I am pretty sure it is stress induced. Time to get shit together. I can't and won't live like this. I like having money, I like feeling secure...actually, I require it. I'm not cut out for stress and bullshit.
Hopefully my plan works out. I'm going to pull this off. You wait and see.

I hope that certian things that are going on right now are just temporary. Sometimes I wonder if I let too much time in my life pass me by with the "benefit of the doubt" theory.
Nothing changes if nothing changes..and people can SAY anything. I'm more of a "let me see you in action, then I'll believe what's coming out of your mouth" type of girl.
I don't know. I just don't feel good, and it is bringing the "stinker" out of me.
I better go to bed.

Here is the dealy yo

I love that my life has come to this.

Come ON NOW!!

I dislike most women. I really hate to say that, but sadly it is true. I just haven't met many that are cool and not jealous, spiteful, drama queen, bitches. I have a few really great girl friends. But, I'm really picky and for damn good reason. I'm so pissed that I can't even finish this.

I should be counting sheep, instead they are counting me

I had an inconvenient nap tonight.from about 9 to 11. Now I can't sleep. The boys have friends over and they are being so quiet, I bet they are plotting world domination, or trying to figure out how to light something on fire.
I really don't have anything to say, and I am positing from my phone. Its not as easy to type.
I'm going to cuddle up to my cute,  snoozing  boyfriend and learn how to unravel the universe through extreme couponing.

~Ciao

the only fish in the sea

I was sitting on the beach, you were all so far away. I could see, but always behind silent eyes. Never reveling my true self, trusting is not an option. No one led me, but somehow I ended up there, in the sea. Lost among natives. I watched the most obscure things from there, how the sand swirled between my toes, but never where my feet led me, how my fingers smelled from the salty water, but never at the hearts my hands touched. A wave crashed into me one to many times. As if it's wake jarred me from it's trance. I looked back at the shore and you were all gone. Swimming back to the shore was a lonely chore, I panicked along the way. Alone I traveled, collecting shells. I wanted to give them to you so you would build me a home. I push on through shadows and arrived where you sat, unmoved, waiting for me. My limbs weary, you carried me to the shade. I was too afraid to give you my gifts, flawlessly you found them on your own. Our souls exist in this oasis, a sanctuary called love.     

What have you gotten yourself into?

New journal thing. Let's see if this is better than livejournal.

funnies :)