I never want to feel this way again.

Ever wonder how you ended up here? Like, what storm washed up this part of my life? Buried darkness being exposed, and your true self being hidden. I feel inside out, like there is a cage inside of me, and it's locked away all the good things about me, and I'm trapped inside. Scarcely a few glimpses of the person I was a million years ago slips through the cracks. I savor those moments, trying to remember how to stay there, where is the map back to that person? I want to drink in the sunlight of the image of my old self.  Then as swiftly as it came, it's gone. Reality of life's scheme sets in and suddenly I am collapsed again, frantically grasping for one last hope. I bleed my tears, I howl my sighs, I pound my fists against the walls, but all is lost. I want to be found. I want to find myself again. At the same time, I want to disappear from what is to come. Can you reverse a tidal shift? Or once you sail off path do you only continue to drift?